Welcome to Everything is Dianetic’s Friday News Round Up. In this weekly post I will sum up all the important news from the past week. Only initiates may read my posts summing up the news for the upcoming week. Which is to say, they have already read this post, but on the 24th. It’s a terrifying responsibility, be glad you’ve been spared reading it.
First up this week, the Boy Scouts of America have officially lifted their ban on openly gay scout leaders. This comes as great news for all those men and women who are queer but still want promote very strict gender identities. No word on whether or not closeted homosexuals, Birds, or Russian Spies will be allowed to serve as scout leaders just yet.
Zimbabwe’s most famous lion, Cecil, was murdered this week. Certainly you have fond memories of Cecil growing up and definitely knew he existed prior to his death. Cecil was poached under orders of Dr. Walter Palmer, now America’s most famous dentist, and served with a side of roasted tomatoes. Cecil’s death caused outrage on the internet: “How Dare you kill a lion!” Then there was outrage over the outrage ranging between vegan arguments that killing all animals is bad to questioning why the only death we care about in Africa is that of a lion.
I’m glad the public eye is turning to how frightening the act of killing for sport is. I can’t help but think this act of killing comes from a similar place as the Aura Movie Theater or Sandy Hook shootings. When one kills for sport it’s accompanied by a feeling of accomplishment. “I have taken a life, good for me. I am alpha, hear me roar!” It’s a terrifying line of thought that is present whether the victim is a human or non-human person. It’s a way of thinking that should be rooted out.
This is just a reminder to pay no attention to the mysterious lights sighted above Japan the evening of the 27th. They will only serve to remind you that we don’t really know what’s going on.
The statue of Baphomet originally intended for Oklahoma’s state capital has finally been unveiled in Detroit, Michigan. That statue stands as a monument to genuinely held religious belief. In this case, not a genuine belief that Baphomet-Satan is our Dark Lord, but a genuine belief in the revealing power of irony and the absurd. Trolling, it seems, is the Satanic Temple’s most sacred sacrament. I say troll on!
Finally, Donald Trump continues to lead in the polls for the Republican Nomination for President of these United States. I, for one, welcome a Trump presidency as it seems to be the most efficient way to usher in an apocalyptic age. He’s such a parody of white morally-conservative capitalism that his presidency can only be self-defeating. The question is, once he inaugurates a Mad Maxian Epoch, who will be the Imperator Furiosa who will destroy him. Certainly not Hillary.